I give up...
Photography will never become for me anything more than just an expensive hobby.
For people among which I was born and growning up all things that don't give profits are senseless.
All I've ever done is senseless.
Nothing I've ever done was enough good, enough important, enough worth to be noticeable.
And nothing ever will be.
I've always wanted only things I cannot have.
I will finish my studies enjoying them still less and less, realizing that they won't find any use in my further life. I will live in some city I won't like and have a job which I'll have enough. I will bear tree children for a man, who sitting and watching tv asked whan is about a film he watches at the moment will answer: "I don't know", and we won't talk to each other honestly and listen what each other says. I will have nothing only mine except my toothbrush. And I will pretend that I'm happy, because everyone around will think I should be.
There is no other possibillity. My life couldn't be different and the sooner I'll understand it, the better it is.
I have no name, no connections and no money. And I've been tought that without name, connections and money I'll never attain anything.
Sorry if I let you believe in me. I always fail.